Goldfish & Marshmallows

So much time has gone by. 

I've been rereading old blog posts from when Luke was little and Pete was tiny. And do you want to know what this 40 year old mother thinks now?

"I wish I had never been hard on him."

It kind of seemed like Luke was so big all of a sudden when we had a new baby. I feel a little sick to my stomach thinking about how angelic he was. --Because sometimes I yelled at him. What kind of monster yells at a 4 or 5 year old? Me.

I wasn't the worst mother. My friends all thought I was a great mother. But, it doesn't matter what they thought. (Oh my goodness--there's another lesson that 15 years begins to teach you.) Anyway, overall, I was affectionate and patient and spent lots of time with him. And one thing I did really well was recover. "Let's start over" is a well-worn and magic phrase. I still use it all the time. BUT... I also screwed up --royally-- sometimes.

So, if you are where I was, maybe playing a running script in your head about all your faults, and how you're not good enough and not pretty enough and not skinny enough and not wise enough and on and on and on......get a rubber band and put it around your wrist and when you're about to lose it on a kindergartner, pop that elastic and STOP. Remember for a moment that you are that little boy's home and his safety and his...everything. You're his whole world. And he doesn't mind about all those things you're not. He's just in love with you. How did you get so lucky?

So breathe, and be WAY kinder to yourself so it's easier to be kinder and more patient with him. 

Kind of related:

A friend and I were texting recently. She was having a crummy day, feeling under the weather and exhausted, but her little girl is a TODDLER. So no rest for the weary. She said, "Tomorrow will be a better day. And I said,

"Yes, tomorrow will be a better day! But if not, hand her a box of goldfish crackers and a bag of marshmallows, then go back to bed."  


Maybe you need a squishy, cozy goldfish-marshmallow day of your own. 

(Obviously keep your toddlers in the same room with you.)

Written a long time ago:

Honor thy Father and thy Mother, that thy days may be long in the land.

I have always kind of thought of this as a commandment for children. I hope my kids will listen to me and obey so that their days will be long in the land, so that they will literally not die: 

Put on your seatbelt.
Don't play by the pool.
Stay with Mommy in the parking lot.
Stay with Mommy in Walmart.
Stay with Mommy at the State Fair.
Stop taking kitchen knives outside to dig with them!
Never do drugs.
Get out of the street!
Get your germy fingers out of your mouth.
Don't lick anything in this doctor's office.
Don't lick anything---we're at Walmart!
No punching, especially not in the head.
Please don't carry your brother upside down over this hard concrete.
Don't eat that, it was on the floor AT WALMART.

But I'm realizing that this commandment is for grown ups.