Lately, I've thought, okay at least twice, maybe three times, I've thought this:
I can do it.
This thought is foreign and it comes unbidden. And it's wonderful.
A sampling of my thoughts:
"The kitchen and the bathrooms really need to be cleaned. That's okay. I can do it."
"If I get pregnant again, I might have a baby girl. It'll be okay; I can do it."
"If we stay in Lubbock next year, Brandon will be looking for a job again."
Before I finish this thought, I need to interject. This is our second year looking for a job. He has a job, it's just not permanent, tenure-track, and solidly stable and therefore, we are not settled. I have repeatedly and irreverently expressed to God that we just can't do this anymore. But, maybe instead of letting me have my way right this second, Heavenly Father has given me something else. Because,
"If Brandon is looking for a job again, I'll need to smile through it and make a home anyway and anywhere. And I can do it."
I'm still praying though, but asking, not demanding.
P.S. My children's cheeks KILL me. Tonight, I kissed and kissed and kissed my baby's face before letting him doze off. He's so precious to me.
P.S.S. A glass lid shattered in the dishwasher and so now the dishwasher doesn't drain completely. Today I realized that it's really stupid to continue using a dishwasher that's not draining completely, so I did all the dishes by hand. It took a long time. But it smelled good. And I scoured the kitchen sink first, which made me feel successful.
I washed all the dishes except for the oatmeal pot. It's soaking. I didn't dry the dishes and they are leaning hodgepodge against one another across two countertops.
And I only cleaned one bathroom. But, Luke worked alongside me. Which is so great! And I'm an amazing mother for not bribing him and for trusting him with ajax and windex. It was rather fun to kneel side by side and scrub the tub.
And the point is, I thought I could do it. And I couldn't, not exactly. The oatmeal pot is still dirty. The dishes are not put away. The upstairs bathroom is still filthy. But, really, what does it matter when one baby was kissed and kissed and the other was read to and scrubbed a sink all by himself?
I'd love to hear about how you were...enough. But, I'll understand if you don't follow suit and blog all about it. I hope you'll at least go and be successful quietly and then think, "Oh my! I did pretty well today. I wasn't perfect and it doesn't even matter!"
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9 comments:
WOW, that was just super crazy inspiring to me. I especially needed that right now. I think I'll go play with him instead of sitting here and stewing over how grumpy I am that he's awake far earlier than I want to be. Thanks for the lift!
I agree with Chelsea! I really enjoyed this post! You are amazing to me.
You're a GREAT momma! Great to have the kids help clean. Kiss them all you can. Dishes should air dry anyway. Are you pregnant? Oh, if we could get our way!! If life were easy, It wouldn't be hard.
Love you!!! So when is our scheduled calling time going to be :)
Am I pregnant? No, but I want to have another baby...someday.
Thank you Chelsea, Amanda, and Mary. I hope this post didn't come across as bragging. I meant it as, "This is NOT normal for me, but I want more of it."
This morning I've been thinking about how each stage of motherhood has its challenges and also luxuries. I'm reading "Glimpses" about Marjorie Pay Hinckley, and she seems to exemplify getting the most out of each stage and appreciating it in the moment. It seems like she's very "Live, and let live."
PS How do I do HTML tags? I tried to put the title of the book in italics and it says my tag was not "closed." ???
Carrie!
I LOVE the line, "Oh my! I did pretty well today. I wasn't perfect and it doesn't even matter!"
Yes. Today, I wasn't perfect. I yelled at the kids for playing with the doors again (the door knobs are getting ready to fall off), but we also did chores together, and I helped Anthon write a story about spring break (he's home with a cold and a possible ear infection), and did laundry, and made and froze muffins for lunches, and taught a killer FHE lesson (until Kirk started doing the airplane with Erilyn while I was trying to bear my testimony about the creation), and got caught up on my blog.
So the yelling thing wasn't so bad....was it?
BTW, when we first walked into the house after getting back from Arizona, I immediately walked into every room, looked around, smiled, and went to the next room. Kirk finally asked me what I was doing and I said, "Carrie was here! In my house...Carrie was here!" You didn't leave enough evidence of your presence (which is what I was looking for), but I KNEW you were here, and that was enough.
Miss you.
You're right, Sonja. We should have left dirty diapers in every trashcan. Then you would have really known.
:)
Miss you too.
Carrie,
You are and awesome mom and your boys really are cute and need lots of kisses! I think that my goal for everyday should me 'I did pretty well, but I am not perfect, and that doesn't really even matter!' Thanks for the inspiration.
Is it sad that I have never regularly cleaned the bathrooms until Charlie started to do it with me? He gets so excited about wiping down the mirrors and scrubbing the sinks that I make a point of doing it together every Thursday. He inspires me. He makes me feel like I can do it.
That is how I now feel about bathrooms and laundry. Luke's job is to put away the folded clothes. For some reason, I am allergic to putting things away, and all my efforts laundering and then the subsequent folding is ruined in a matter of seconds as the once-folded clothes are strewn all over the floor by Pete.
Luke helping really is so helpful. The job might take longer to do, but I'm not put off by it like I used to be.
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