I do not handle most stress well. I am a delightful person when it's easy. But when it's hard, and especially when surrounded by those who should be able to trust me the most, I fall to pieces. I make what's hard harder for everybody. I forget that I set the tone of our home and that I am responsible for more than just myself. So, I've been like that a lot lately. And today after being a truly terrible mother, it dawned on me: I'm responsible for this. I can choose to get it together and be happy and not out of control. Even if...certain small boys did what they did.
So after a disastrous morning, we left the house and headed for Idalou to the Apple Orchard. It was like the scales peeled away as we passed cows and hay bales. It was sunny and you could see and see and see.
Pete had a walking stick. Oh, Pete. You are the most adorable, kissable thing in this green and blue world. You walked with your stick, avoiding fire ants and cooing at butterflies until you got tired. And then I carried your sweaty body and you were heavy and needy and it was good. And Luke. Luke, we followed you hither and yon, up and down orchard rows and on the tractor rutted road. You and I discussed the best places to build anthills (if we were ants) and how the King Ant has wings. (You corrected your own self about that one--queen ants...) We ate watermelon and cantaloupe, and apple salad, and corn chips and pinto beans. And while we ate, we watched mud martins swoop in to their nests under the eaves of the covered patio. Mr. Cal remembered you, Luke, from the last time you followed him around came home with the trophies of walking sticks made of apple tree branches. I think he remembered you because you were interested in everything he had to say. You still remembered about how he doesn't kill the ants because he likes horn toads and horn toads need the ants for food.
We brought home local honey and german apple cake. Luke and I ate most of it this afternoon, but saved some for Daddy. We might all be a little sunburnt and mosquito bitten. And I feel a little bit more like myself.
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3 comments:
Thank You1
I've been a grumpy mom lately!
When you moving?
Sometimes I am a little resentful that I have to be in a good mood all the time. Can't I be grumpy without everyone else mirroring my mood? I don't think I realized how often I was acting grumpy until I had kids and I see them following my example. I also didn't realize how self-indulgent my bad moods were. Is my comment too long? Sorry. I'm being self indulgent again. I loved your post. I love how going somewhere with growing things fixes my grumpies.
I just found your blog through Jennie's and can't wait to read more! I lived in Lubbock ages ago (my oldest two children were born there) and can't wait to read a little about your family and Lubbock! My girls who were born there want to visit. It's not an easy place to get to and we have no other reason to visit, but who knows... maybe some day we will :)
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